My Brother Dave

Today - Thursday, March 12, 2009, would have been my brother Dave's 50th Birthday. The picture, taken in 1997, shows Dave (middle) with his sons Tyler (on the left, now 16) and Troy (on the right, now 14)

A week before he died - Christmas Eve to be exact - Rob and I visited Dave in his hospital room. He had been admitted that day because he was having some trouble with his latest round of chemotherapy. We talked about getting together and "having Christmas" with him and the boys once he was out of the hospital. In fact, we had brought some presents with us and he told us to "hang on to them" until we could all open them together.

Now, Dave and I had never had "the conversation." He and the boys had spent time with Rob and I but, to this point, I had always introduced Rob and "my friend."

As we were leaving Dave said something to me. To this day, I can't remember exactly what he said but I will never forget what I took away. Dave basically said:

• I know who you really are
  
• I know who Rob really is
  
• I'm so happy for both of you
  
• Both of you will always be welcome in our lives
  

Rob and I sat in the car in the Overlake Hospital parking garage as I cried. Years of fear and shame melted away. It is a moment and a feeling that I will always cherish.

Dave was released from the hospital a week later. That night, a blood clot moved from his leg to his lung. He died in the early morning hours of December 31, 1997 at the age of 38. The Christmas presents were never opened but he had given me the greatest gift I had ever received - unconditional love and acceptance - of both me and the person that I love.

So, on the 50th anniversary of the birth of David Edward Turko I'd like to say thanks. Thanks to all of you who have loved and accepted me and Rob. Thanks to those of you who have done the same for others in your life.

And most of all, Happy Birthday Dave! Thanks for loving us. I miss you everyday bro.